The way you look is obviously the most important thing about you. So if you’re not the best looking (like me) and you can’t afford a nose job (or chin implant) you NEED to develop these super-useful techniques to TRICK people into thinking you’re good looking.
Because we all want a man with a chiselled jaw and suspiciously long hair doing this (up). WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT LADIES.
1. Contour, contour, contour
You need to either have a Masters in Fine Art from Cambridge or a lot of spare time to nail this. Either way, it’s totally worth it because who wants to see the actual shape of your face.
2. Get up at 5am
That’s right! Making people think you’re good looking is really hard work, so you need to wake up at 5am to make sure all your make up is looking awesome, your hair is on-fleek and you accessories are so fetch (I’ll make fetch happen).
3. Smell incredible
Tell people it’s your natural scent (use the word ‘pheromones’) – that kind of confidence is really attractive.
4. Look ‘put together’
It’s important you follow these 3 simple rules to ensure you look ‘put together’ every . single . day:
- Tones – all your clothes should have the same tone
- Jewellery – wear one ‘metal’ of jewellery at a time
- Make up – use just enough make up so people don’t ask you if you’re tired
5. Remove all body hair
No one cares if you were born with it – nobody wants to see a woman’s natural body hair – even in hair removal adverts…
6. Be skinny, but toned
Be skinny, but toned like a Victoria Secrets model! So, take time out of drinking cocktails with your friends and eating pizza on the sofa to literally run no-where.
7. Be more elegant
Elegance is one of the most attractive traits you can possibly have. It comes naturally to approximately 4% of all women – they’re usually yoga instructors and are in touch with their aura. We hate them… but can’t hate them because they’re too darn nice.
8. Think before you speak
Don’t blurt out the first thing you think. It’s very unattractive and you’ll often end up looking stupid. Instead, carefully create thoughtful responses before you speak. Unless the conversation has moved on by then. In that case, don’t say anything.
9. Only associate with hot people
To trick people into thing you’re good-looking, you should only have hot friends. You might think ‘well I’m not at school any more’ (unless you are at school), but those school yard cliques never disappear. Just wait until it’s your kid’s pick up time from school #mumlife .
That’s it – that’s the definitive list of everything you need to know to trick people into thinking you’re good-looking.