It’s amazing how far women have come. We have a long way to go but let’s take a second and appreciate this journey. Part of womanhood in this age and era is unlearning messages that were intentionally or unintentionally woven deeply into us and taking care of yourself. And that’s my biggest struggle; sometimes you don’t even know whether you’re reacting to a situation appropriately or behaving in a way you have been conditioned to behave. To be able to live fiercely and fully, there is no other way apart from unlearning such messages. Women should not be too loud, should not get angry, should be patient; I could go on all day. These are some of the things we need to unlearn. Incorporate these habits that will help you unlearn or undo these chains.
BE AWARE OF SUCH MESSAGES
Identifying a problem is half solving it; as they say. That applies here also. Be aware of the messages that are so deeply woven into you that condition you. They put you in a certain box. You don’t want to be in that box and you know it but for some reason, it’s so hard to just get out. Because you are made to believe that the on way. An example is women getting desperate to get married from the age of 26. The reason, you’ll get old eventually if you take too long to settle and no one will want you or your clock is ticking. This message has pushed so many into unwanted marriages that end up costing them so much in the long run.
An alternative will be build yourself and be the best version of you. If you want kids that early go ahead but it shouldn’t be conditioned to a man wanting you when you are thirty or even forty years old identify these messages and be aware of them.
OBSERVE YOUR SELF AT ALL TIMES
Be aware of your own behaviour and how you carry yourself. How do these messages affect you? Have you stayed in toxic relationships just because you think your biological clock is ticking or because women should be patient? How much trouble have you gotten into because of these messages? Observe yourself to understand how much they have affected you in your everyday life. How much damage has been done and how can it be un-done? How much of it can be reversed?
You can always do something to make things better; build yourself. It’s never too late to start. How much compromise have you had to deal with just because you are a woman?
REVERSING THE DAMAGE AND UNLEARNING THE MESSEGES
It won’t be easy but if there is anything that has helped me so far, it is guarding how I think. That’s where it all starts. You want to achieve something? Go for it because you are a person with rights and you can. Practice deep self-awareness so you can catch yourself right before you behave in a conditioned way. Take a second to think to think if that’s how you want to be seen.
You want that job; apply for it. Don’t start thinking; you are woman so maybe when you get pregnant they’ll fire you. Apply for the job; get the job; figure out the rest when you get to the bridge.
Most of the times; these messages just limit you. Not so many of the women grew up being taught how to stand up for themselves and much more. That alone has costed so much. Good news is there is nothing you can’t unlearn. Every day you build yourself to be who you want to be. It’s a lifelong process but worth it. Face those messages and be curious of who you will become once you undo them. I’ll make a wild guess here; unstoppable. Unstoppable is what you’ll become.
About the writer
Rose Wughangar is an inspiring fellow lifestyle blogger who lives in Mombasa, Kenya. She specialises in personal development, as well as mental health and relationships. Check out more of her content here.