Relationships are complicated. For some people, relationships fail and they can’t get back into another one for years. For others, it’s the opposite: they jump from relationship to relationship without much thought about what went wrong in their last try.
It’s important to be honest with yourself and understand that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship – every person has baggage of some kind that needs to be taken into consideration when considering getting back together with somebody who was your ex-partner at one point in time in your life.
It’s also important to know why you should not get back together with someone and take note of red flags so you don’t end up right where you started again.
How often do relationships get back together?
How often people get back into relationships after they fail really depends on the couple. Some short-term relationships don’t have enough time to really fall apart, so getting back together is a natural thing to do.
Other couples might get back together after a month or two of being broken up, but that relationship could be incredibly toxic and involve a push-pull mentality.
Long-term relationships take longer to recover from, as there is more history and baggage involved. So some people will go back to that partner because of a level of co-dependency after being together for so many years.
A 2013 Kansas Study suggested that nearly 50% of couples reunited after they ended their relationship, and almost all of those people reunited because they thought their partner had changed and become a better person, so the relationship was more likely to be successful long-term.
What you should do if you want to get back together with someone
If you want to get back together with someone, there are some definite steps that you need to take.
The first step is to be honest with yourself and understand your motivations for wanting to get back together – it could be that your partner has genuinely changed and become a better person, or it might be something else (such as loneliness or a need for security).
The second step is to understand if your partner wants the same thing. Maybe they don’t want you back in their life after everything that happened between you two, or maybe they’re not ready yet – either way, it’s important to know where your partner stands on re-entering your relationship with them before you take any further steps.
The third step is to talk openly and honestly with your partner about the problems that you had in your last relationship and what you’re doing to make sure those same problems don’t happen again. This will help them understand that you’re serious about making things work this time around, and it’s a good way to see if they’re willing to work with you on the changes that need to be made.
The fourth step is something that a lot of people forget about: boundaries! Boundaries are important when it comes to re-entering your relationship, as nobody wants to feel like their partner doesn’t trust them or understand what went wrong in your last relationship.
If you don’t have boundaries in place, your partner might feel like they can walk all over you and do whatever they want because nothing happened last time. Or maybe something did happen and now the relationship is even more toxic than it was before due to lack of trust or respect for each other’s needs! Make sure that you’re both on the same page about what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationship if you want it to succeed.
The final step is to actually take the steps needed to improve your relationship – this could be anything from going out on more dates, communicating better, or even seeing a therapist together! If you’re really serious about getting back together with your partner, then you’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to make things work.
How do you know if you should get back together with your ex?
If you’re considering getting back with your ex partner, there are some serious questions which you need to ask yourself. And it’s not just if you have feelings for them and whether they make you happy.
Does your relationship feel like it’s missing something without the other person around anymore? If so, then there might be a good reason to get back into that relationship with this partner! However, there are some things about your ex-relationship that you should consider before getting back into it.
Are they still toxic? If so, then your relationship is likely to just be filled with arguments and resentment towards each other – nobody wants a relationship like this! Make sure that there’s no toxicity left in the air before going forward with anything else.
What was wrong last time that led to the relationship failing? If you think your partner is likely to make those same mistakes again, then it’s probably better for both of you if you don’t get back into the relationship. Nobody wants another failed relationship on their hands!
Do they want the same things as you do? Do they still have feelings for you or are they just trying to be friends? If you’re not sure, ask them! It’s better to get clarity and figure out what the relationship is going from there instead of jumping into something blindly.
Are you both willing to work on the problems that caused your last relationship to fail? This is a really important question – if you’re not both willing to work on things, then the relationship is likely to fail again.
Are you both comfortable with setting boundaries? This goes back to the trust issue – if your partner doesn’t trust you, it’s going to be really difficult for the two of you to move forward in any capacity. Boundaries will help rebuild that trust and create a solid foundation for the two of you to rebuild on.
What steps are you and your partner taking to make things better? If they’re willing to work with you, then it might be possible that this relationship can actually succeed! However, if neither person is willing to put in any effort or get help from others (such as a couples counsellor), then the relationship is probably not going to work.
What are healthy ways of communicating with your partner? You want a relationship that’s based on respect and understanding – if you’re constantly fighting or arguing all the time, it might be better for both of you to just move forward as friends instead! If this was a short-term relationship, then it might be okay to stay friends instead of getting back together – if you were both just having fun and not looking for a serious relationship from the start, then being friends is likely better than trying to get into that same type of relationship again.
What are red flags that indicate your ex isn’t worth giving another chance? Are they still making the same mistakes again and again? Are they likely to hurt you or treat you badly in some way? If so, then it’s probably better for both of you if this relationship doesn’t continue. It might be difficult to walk away from your ex-partner after having been together at one point – however, sometimes doing what’s best
Reasons you should not get back together with your ex after the relationship has failed
There are plenty of reasons why you might not want to get back into a relationship with someone, and we’ve listed some of the most important ones below!
If your partner has never taken any ownership of their wrong actions and continues to blame you for everything, then it’s time to walk away. This type of behaviour is toxic and will only lead to more arguments down the line – nobody wants that in a relationship!
If your partner has cheated on you or been unfaithful in some way, then it might be better for you both to just move on. You deserve better than being cheated on – don’t waste your time trying to get back together with someone who’s still active in their wrongdoings!
Relationships are hard work!
If they have no interest in working towards the relationship, then it might be best for both of you if you walk away instead. This can often go hand in hand with someone who never takes ownership of their actions – if they’re not willing to work on the relationship, then it’s probably better for both of you that things end.
If your partner has no interest in getting help and counselling or working through problems together, then it might be time to move on. If they think there is no problem, then it’s likely that there will be problems down the line – if they’re not willing to work with you and get some help from a professional couple counsellor, then it might be better for both of you to just move on.
Signs of abuse
If your partner has started showing signs of abuse or violence towards you in any capacity (physical, emotional or mental), then you need to leave that relationship as soon as possible. Anything of this nature is not okay and it’s likely that they will only get worse – if this was a short-term fling though, then staying friends might be the best option instead!
You can’t communicate in a healthy way. You want a relationship that’s based on respect and understanding – if you’re constantly fighting or arguing all the time, it might be better for both of you to just move forward as friends instead! If this was a short-term relationship, then it might be okay to stay friends instead of getting back together.
There are plenty of reasons why you might not want to get back into a relationship with someone, and we’ve listed some of the most important ones above! If you’re not sure whether or not getting back together is the right decision for you, then talking to a therapist might help. They can give you an outside perspective on your relationship and help you make the best decision for yourself and your partner. If you’re still not sure, then consider talking to your friends and family about the situation. They might be able to give you some insight that you didn’t think of before!
Getting back together after a failed relationship is definitely possible – but it’s not always easy. Make sure that you weigh all of your options before making any decisions, and remember to take your own happiness into consideration too!