The start of a new relationship is a really exciting time, especially if you’re in the first 3 months. It’s all sex, heat and giggling. You’re looking at the world, and your partner, through rose-tinted glasses. You’re in a better mood than usual and you just can’t stop thinking about them!
As a woman who is almost 30 and is beginning to lose that ‘new relationship excitement’ (it’s a good thing – it’s because I love my life), I’ve got a few excellent tips for you.
And what’s the aim of these tips? It’s to ensure that, no matter what the outcome of the relationship is, you don’t lose yourself. It’s to ensure that you grow from every relationship and come out of it a stronger, better, more experienced person. To ensure that you don’t leave a relationship, googling therapists, wondering who you are.
New Relationship Tips You Should Know:
- Remember Who You Are
- Don’t Think Too Far Ahead
- Spend Time With Friends
- Look Out For Red Flags
- Spend More Evenings Alone Than Not
- Turn Your Phone Face Down When You’re Busy
- Be Your True Self
1. Remember Who You Are
My first tip is to not forget who you are. That means you don’t drop your hobbies to see them, and don’t gain hobbies that they enjoy just to make them like you more. Getting a new boyfriend isn’t a people-pleasing exercise: he has to be compatible with you as much as you are with him.
2. Don’t Think Too Far Ahead
It’s really easy to let your thoughts get away from you at the beginning of a new relationship. You might be thinking about how you’ll interact with his parents who you haven’t met, how he’ll propose or even what your joint Christmas plans would be!
If you’re planning too far ahead, you could be over-romanticising the relationship and them too. That’s something to be concerned about, and you should consider whether this is something you always do at the beginning of relationships.
Keep your head, and stay in the moment.
3. Spend Time With Friends
Your time is precious, and I know it’s easy to give all of it to your new partner. But this isn’t the time to be losing friends by simply not contacting them or not being available to see them.
Your friends can help to provide you with perspective. Not only can you chat through what’s going on, and talk about what he’s doing and how he’s making you feel, but you can also consider how you feel with your friends vs. how you feel with your new partner. Do you feel as at ease with your friends as you do with your new partner? Do you feel as confident? Do you feel as smart?
These are all great ways of assessing how the relationship is going and how compatible you are.
4. Look Out For Red Flags
It’s easy to have those rose-tinted glasses on at the beginning of a relationship, and just be grateful for being ‘chosen’. But you HAVE to keep an eye out for toxic red flags which suggest that the relationship isn’t going to fulfil you.
This could include:
- The relationship feels like it’s moving too fast
- They are too complimentary, they’re too much – this could be love bombing
- They’re very clingy
- They want to know where you are all the time
- You’re being gaslighted
- Doesn’t like your family and friends
- You have different core values
5. Spend More Evenings Alone Than Not
It’s easy to want to spend all your time with the person you’re in a relationship with. But you need to keep that distance too, so you can make sure that you don’t lose yourself in the relationship.
That’s why my fifth tip is to spend at least 4 evenings a week without them. It doesn’t mean you should spend time alone, you can be with friends and family, but it’s important that you make time to process the relationship and for self-care. If you set that boundary, they should be okay with that. Especially if you’re 3 months or less into the new relationship.
A great example is on a Sunday evening. If your career is important to you, you’re probably not going to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go if they stayed over the night before!
6. Turn Your Phone Face Down When You’re Busy
In a new relationship, it’s really exciting to receive a text or call from your new partner. In fact, if they contact you lots, this can start to become addictive. That boost of endorphins when they text you often can leave you feeling a bit lost if they don’t contact you for a few hours.
To stop yourself becoming addicted to this boost, turn your phone face down when you’re busy, and turn off the sound. It doesn’t matter if you’re working, doing the washing up or watching your favorite TV show.
You can spend time uninterrupted from them. Time where you’re not glancing at your phone every 5 minutes, waiting to see if they have text you.
7. Be Your True Self
If you’re a natural people-pleaser with an anxious attachment, it can be easy to pick up on behaviors that your new partner likes and start to display them. It could be pretending to like a type of music you’re not really into, or you could be being quieter than usual, so you don’t annoy them.
As a true chatterbox myself, I’m definitely guilty of the last example!
Remember, you’re working out if you’re compatible with this person, so it’s important that you’re your true self with them. Otherwise, you’re just elongating the inevitable!
The Take Away
New relationships are incredibly exciting! But you should follow these tips to ensure that you have strong foundations to grow a long lasting partnership.